To get the good coffee at my new job, I go upstairs to engineering

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein)
07/28/2017 at 14:40 • Filed to: None

My new job is at a company that makes stuff that is very complicated, high-tech, and important. Me, I’m just the guy who has to find and hire more people to work here. I stash my lunch in the fridge upstairs in Engineering, and they have a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! espresso machine with extremely detailed instructions taped on it.

My usual coffee routine doesn’t involve coffee brewed at work, because I try not to drink too much, and I already start my day with a cup of overly fancy and fussy coffee at home, which is fresh ground in a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! and then brewed in a !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! .

And then on my way out the door, I fill a vacuum tumbler and bring it to work, and that’s it for coffee for me. But occasionally I want a little bit more coffee, and when I do, the Jura upstairs is nice to have.

As you would expect from a bunch of engineers, the instructions are very thorough.

Now that I think about it, these look like they were probably xeroxed out of the instruction manual? But hey, still very thorough and engineer-y.

The only thing is, my tumbler is too tall for this machine, so I have to brew the coffee into some other cup then dump it into the tumbler. Because I can’t simply drink coffee from a mug, it must be maintained at optimum temperature in my vacuum tumbler.

This is why I’m good at finding and hiring engineers.

DISCUSSION (22)

random001 > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 14:47

Excellent!

OPPOsaurus WRX > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 14:57

my boss just asked me if I am sleeping at night. I could use a cup right now but the closest place is like a 5-10 minute walk

TorqueToYield > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 15:02

“This machine is for general use, thanks to Engineering”

God that’s passive aggressive. Gotta love engineers. And I can complain since I’m an engineer and work with these jerks all day. (but I’m probably a jerk too, sooo)

diplodicus > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 15:06

Why does that fancy drip machine use a hot plate instead of insulated carafe?

Ash78, voting early and often > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 15:18

I work remotely, but occasionally have to visit the main office. First time I went in there, there was a basic coffeemaker and a Keurig. I walk over the basic one, since everywhere I worked before usually said something like “Keurig is for customer meetings only” or something (to keep costs in line).

But here, there was a sign on the drip machine that said “Only for paying members of company coffee club. All others please use Keurig.”

I sort of nervously chuckled and admired such a sardonic sense of humor.

Then my coworker went stone-faced and explained it was serious. Several people on the floor pooled their money for this particular drip coffee. The rest of us peasants should use the Keurig.

And that was my first exposure to an office full of statisticians and database administrators.

Textured Soy Protein > diplodicus
07/28/2017 at 15:18

Because it’s the cheapest one in the Bonavita lineup.

We had a Capresso MT600 Plus that we got from our wedding registry at Bed Bath & Beyond. My wife and/or her sister managed to kill it.

We had her sister and sister’s husband visit us over a weekend. My wife set the machine up the night before so her sister could press a button and brew coffee, but somehow it bubbled over, and then my wife in a moment of brain-fart-ery decided to put the damn thermal carafe on the stove, and then when her sister told her not to do that, she put it back on the machine, which melted the plastic around the hot plate.

This all happened while I was still asleep.

So we needed a new coffee maker ASAP. Bed Bath & Beyond has a generous return policy for registry purchases so even though the Capresso was about a year old, likely destroyed through mis-use, and not in stock at our local store, they said bring it in and they’d give us store credit towards anything else.

I looked online at what our local store did have in stock, and while there were some Cuisinart models with thermal carafes, according to reviews and tests, the Bonavita was supposed to make a better cup of coffee. We generally drink our coffee pretty soon after it’s brewed and I have a vacuum tumbler to bring to work so the lack of a thermal carafe isn’t a big deal.

Textured Soy Protein > Ash78, voting early and often
07/28/2017 at 15:20

I am deeply offended by any company that expects employees to contribute money towards coffee.

Ash78, voting early and often > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 15:26

I found it a little ironic that the Keurig (free) probably costs a lot more than the “coffee club” stuff. But mainly just that people would collectively be so snobby. But what do I know? I work at home and pay for all my own toilet paper AND coffee. And utilities, property taxes, desk...hey, wait a minute!

diplodicus > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 15:29

Ya as long as its not sitting for too long a hot plates not a big deal. Coffee is really subjective though. I used to prefer drip machines, I had a zojirushi with a thermal carafe. One of my sisters gave me a cheap french press and I’ve been using that for years. I don’t want to upgrade because I like that it’s bad at filtering the grounds. I use a medium-fine grind even though you’re supposed to use a coarse grind for french press. I enjoy the richness it adds.

I have one of those Mocha Express stove top makers too. It was advertised as like a cheap espross style maker, but it’s closer to drip style coffee.

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 15:40

It sounds like the company doesn’t, though — the Keurig gives free coffee. The co-workers co-opted (or maybe purchased themselves) the drip machine for their pay club.

awmaster10 > TorqueToYield
07/28/2017 at 15:42

They can be smug all they want, the instructions are moronic. Theres a reason they made the coffee maker and dont write the copy for the box and manual.

Instructions: Press button, machine is automatic.

Textured Soy Protein > Ash78, voting early and often
07/28/2017 at 15:43

I have had 2 experiences with employees contributing towards coffee.

~60 person office, relatively new location for this company but plenty profitable. The VP who ran the office refused to add a coffee service as a recurring expense on his P&L, but he signed up for one anyway which he paid for himself, and had the admin send recurring nagging emails for employees who drank the coffee to kick in towards the coffee service. I refused to drink that coffee because I didn’t want to be lumped in with the guilt trips.

~400 person office, established location. There was a crappy not-Keurig pod system, and a crappy not-exactly-drip or pod type setup. The best way I can describe it is “on demand.” It was basically brewing coffee all the time and keeping a tank full so you just pressed a button and got coffee. The on-demand one was a little less bad than the pods. There was a collection box on the wall that said “coffee is $0.50/cup, and money is now collected on the honor system” or something like that. I sometimes would drink the coffee, and I very dishonorably never put money in the box.

Either pay for the coffee, or if they want to be cheapskates, provide a vending setup. Don’t pull this wishy-washy BS.

uofime-2 > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 15:44

Wow, that grinder is very reasonably priced.... and I am sick of my crappy old blade grinder.

hmmm

but it works and I’m gonna buy car parts instead

Textured Soy Protein > haveacarortwoorthree2
07/28/2017 at 15:46

I dunno, the bit about the Keurig being only for customer meetings to keep costs down sounds like the Keurig is also not free, at least not without strings attached.

Textured Soy Protein > uofime-2
07/28/2017 at 15:47

It’s a pretty decent grinder, but the bean hopper only holds enough beans for a little more than 2 pots of coffee, and the little compartment that catches the ground coffee is plastic and static-y so you have to kinda bang it around and/or use a little brush to get the grounds out. I mostly bought it because we have a small kitchen with limited counter space, and it was cheap.

Maxima Speed > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 15:52

Unfortunately I can’t really appreciate coffee, I respect people who do, but I’m one of those heathens who drinks coffee only when I’m extremely tired. I add just enough sugar to make it bearable and then swig it down in one go with a grimace.

haveacarortwoorthree2 > Textured Soy Protein
07/28/2017 at 17:20

Maybe I read it wrong — I thought he meant he assumed the Keurig was only for customers because that’s how it was at other places he worked. Oh well, have a great weekend.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Textured Soy Protein
07/29/2017 at 09:53

i’ll stick with Nescafe blend 43 instant.

Officer Jim Lahey is not a real cop > Ash78, voting early and often
07/29/2017 at 14:39

I interned with a federal government agency during school that did this “coffee club” thing.

They even peer pressured me to join for the semester.

RIDICULOUS

Stef Schrader > Textured Soy Protein
07/31/2017 at 01:20

I always felt more at home on the technical floors when I had an office job. Marketing floor? Ugh. Sales? Hard no. But the actual coding floor? Those dudes were quiet, chill and good.

Stef Schrader > Textured Soy Protein
07/31/2017 at 01:21

I am deeply offended by Keurigs as the default.

They’re easy or whatever, but THE WASTE. And THE WATERY COFFEE.

Textured Soy Protein > Stef Schrader
07/31/2017 at 10:19

I’m also not a fan of working among sales people, even though as a recruiter that’s “selling” people, in a way.

In my current job, somehow I’ve managed to end up with a fancy window office. Probably has more to do with the fact that I’m discussing things like compensation on the phone than because of my actual stature within the company, but I’ll take it. The cubes outside my door are mostly IT and regulatory compliance people.